Who says you can't go home?

Last weekend, we went home to visit my family in TN.  We took Holt on his first plane ride.  Aside from a 10 minute meltdown on the return flight, he did pretty darn good.  I was pleasantly surprised at how nice and accomodating the people at the airport (and I'm talking employees, not other travelers!) were.  I was even able to wear him in the Baby K'Tan through security!  At the end of the post, I'll give you my tips for flying with an infant.

In the mean time, put your seat backs and tray tables in the upright position and enjoy the flight through the pictures that I'll let do most of the talking! (wow, that was a really bad attempt at a pun, or whatever...)



 

H is sitting in his seat like a big boy!  He really didn't sit there.  We held him.  We just put him here while we put our stuff in the overhead bin and got settled.

We timed his bottles to where he'd be eating upon take off.  Then, he fell sound asleep after.  I'm talking about the baby, not the husband...

 

 

 

Sweet baby cousins!! Unfortunately this cousin was more interested in hitting H than loving on him.  LOL  He was also fascinated with his hair.  My other nephew LOVES H.  My brother and the boys were meeting us for lunch and he got in the car and asked my nephew M was he was doing and he said "going to see Hote!" (pronounced like tote with an H)  And all weekend, he'd follow us around wanting to see what "Hote" was doing.  He'd even steal toys from his brother to give to H.  So stinkin sweet! 

 

 

 

As you can see from the above pictures, his hair was a bit of a hot mess.  So, since my SIL is a hair dresser, we asked her to cut it for us.  Since the only hair long enough is right on top of his head, he now has a natural mohawk thing happening...  You can see M's little leg in the bottom of the left picture, always interested in what Hote is doing!

 

 

Me and sweet nephew M.  I just love that little nugget!  He is so sweet and so funny.  I miss those nephews like crazy and hate that I live so far away from them!

 

 

Tips and tricks for traveling with an infant:

 

First of all, the most freaked out people about an infant on a plane are the infant's parents.  Rarely do people care as much as you think they will.  In fact, on the flight to TN a nice lady offered to have us sit in her row (we flew Southwest, where boarding is similar to The Hunger Games).

 

Get to the airport early.  We got there with about an hour and a half to spare.  We checked our suitcase (I got all 3 of us packed in one suitcase.  I am awesome!) and our car seat and base.

 

Be ready to put your stroller through the security belt thing.  We have a Britax B-Agile and it's insanely easy to fold.  That's why we brought our full size stroller.

 

Don't sit in the front row.  We did this since the nice lady asked.  But, we couldn't have any bags with us, so I was left to awkwardly hold his bottle, our water bottle, his toys, his burp cloth, and a blanket, plus my phone and Nook.  It was less than comfortable.

 

Feed during take off.  I read this helps with the ears during pressure changes.  However, he did fine during landings without even a paci, so perhaps this is best determined on a kid by kid basis.

 

Don't freak out!  We were far more worried about it that necessary.  It was so much easier than I thought it would be.  Granted, we had a domestic flight with no layovers and the flight itself was just over an hour.  I'll check back if I ever fly cross country with a 30 min layover....





Today I am thankful

This week, a dear friend of mine had to deliver her baby at 16 weeks.  She is very obviously devastated at the loss of their sweet boy.  After hearing her news, I immediately had the primal physical urge to hold and squeeze my sweet boy.

I started to do some self reflection.  It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day frustrations and complications of life.  For me, a huge part of that for so long was struggling to become a mother.  It was a huge part of my life for so long.  And, one that I still struggle to come to terms with each day.  I tend to let myself think that I don't take motherhood for granted after that struggle.  But, on the hard days, when H just won't quit fussing or I'm cleaning spit up off myself for the millionth time, it's so easy to give into the frustration.  But, this week, I have been very aware of just how lucky I am.

 



 

 



I am so lucky that I got to have my baby.  So many women still struggle to have their child.  Some, like my friend, don't get to take their baby home.  Sure, I had to work really hard and go through more than I would have liked to have him.  But, I did.  And he's perfect and smart and healthy and funny and pretty much the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  I am lucky that I have a husband who I love and who loves me.  He is an amazing father to our son.  Do we have our issues?  Sure.  Who doesn't?  But, we're happy. We have a good, no great, life together.  Sure, we could have more money or a bigger house or better cars or whatever.  But, we have a good life.

 

 

 



 



So, today I am thankful for all that I have.  I will try to remember my thankfulness when I get frustrated that H won't stop crying or when B leaves his shoes laying around.  I will try to hold onto it when I feel stressed about money or the house or my job.  I will remember that I am so incredibly blessed.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Things nobody tells you about pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum...

As I was getting ready this morning and realized that there was possibly more hair in my sink that on my head, I thought I'd share a few things that no one tells you about having a baby.  The good, the bad, and the ugly...

Pregnancy
1.  You will feel like you've been repeatedly kicked in the vag.  This is normal.  Apparently it's just your pelvic floor stretching.  How lovely.
2.  You basically leak constantly.  You think that when you get pregnant any liquid coming out of you stops.  Nope.  You basically have a constant flow of discharge.
3.  The five second window you have to go from not hungry to ravenous.  That 5 seconds is no joke.  I would go from perfectly fine to all weak and shaky I was so hungry.  Purse and car snacks are a must.
4.  First trimester tiredness is more like first trimester mind numbing exhaustion.  I have never been so tired in all my life, and I've had a newborn.  I was just worn the eff out all the time.  There were times I'd get home from work and not really remember how I got home.

Labor & Delivery
1.  When your water breaks, it doesn't stop flowing.  This one surprised me.  Hours after it was broken, I sat up to get my epidural and there was another huge gush...almost all over B's shoe.  That was kind of funny.
2.  The epidural, while glorious, does have some adverse side effects.  A friend of mine threw up like crazy when she had hers.  Mine made me shake like crazy.  So much so that it kind of freaked me out a little.  The tips of two of my fingers were also numb for a while, something I think may have to do with the epidural.
3.  How to push.  No one talks about this.  You see people dramatically pushing on TV and in the movies, but there is no where telling you how to actually do this.  The best advice I got was from a friend who said to push like you're pooping.  This served me well as I was told that I was a chapmion pusher.
4.  Sometimes cliches are true. I lived for the ice chips and cold compress on my head...until I didn't.
5.  Getting an epidural isn't super fast and easy.  I don't know why I thought this was effortless.  You get a little shot of lidocane and bing bam boom you get the epi and drift off into relaxation.  Mine took forever and the poor guy doing it had to stick me several times, eventually laying me on my side to get it in.
5a.  Having scoliosis can effect your epi.  I had to go meet with an anesthesiologist at my      hospital early on to ensure that I could have one due to my scoliosis.  They said I could.  However, the guy actually giving it to me claimed that that's why it was difficult.

Postpartum
1.  Breastfeeding is hard, yo.  Everyone talks about what a natural and beautiful thing it is.  No one tells you that is so hard.  You're already overwhelmed and exhausted and sore and in total awe of your little person and now you have this added stress of making sure they're getting enough food.  My milk didn't come in until about Wednesday.  H was born on Saturday.  It was so hard and exhausting.  And, even once it came in, he wouldn't latch, then he wasn't getting enough.  It was the 3 hardest weeks of my life, trying to breastfeed. 
2.  As mentioned above, you will lose your hair.  Copious amounts of it.  I'm talking like enough to stuff a couch and have a hair couch if you wanted to.  You hoard all your hair when you're pregnant, resulting in glorious pregnancy hair.  Well, don't get used to it ladies cause it won't last long!
3.  Your first post delivery poop will scare you to death.  You may think that you just pushed a human out of you, a poop is nothing.  Uh, no.  Its terrifying BECAUSE you just pushed a human out of you.  Thankfully, they give you stool softeners in the hospital to make it a little easier.
4.  This was from my mom.  It hurts for a while after.  She said that's what surprised her most when she had her first, my brother.  With the advent of Pinterest and all their postpartum recovery pins, I feel like this one is being talked about more and more.  I didn't hurt as bad as I was afraid I would.  But, I was suprised at what triggered pain.  I sneezed a few days pp and was shocked that it hurt down stairs.  Who knew!

So, there you have it.  Some little gems of wisdom from me to you.  And, if you've had a baby, feel free to chime in on the comments if I missed any!

On Childcare...

This may be sort of stream of consciousness, just me rambling on and on. So, please bear with me.  Perhaps I'll post a cute baby pic at the end to make it all worth your while!

Being a mom is hard, guys.  The hardest and most amazing thing I've ever done.  There's a saying that having a child is like having your heart outside your body.  That is completely accurate.  So, when you have to leave your heart in the hands of someone else for 9 or so hours a day, it's excruciating (I had to google search that to make sure I spelled it right.  For the record, I did!).  Leaving my little nugget every morning is so hard.  Leaving him to be cared for and snuggled and loved by someone else just plain sucks.

But, you know what makes all that either easier or harder?  Your childcare provider.  Now,  I have been back to work for a little over 2 months and we're on our third babysitter.  The first one didn't work out b/c she claimed H cried too much.  The second one we LOVED and she loved our little guy.  But, she moved 2 hours away, so clearly that wasn't going to work.  Initially, we really liked our new lady.  She immediately reminded B of his beloved babysitter from when he was little.  But, slowly over the past month that we've been with her, we're liking her less and less.  Also, she is regularly in her robe or a nightgown when I pick him up at 5:15 PM.

Last week, H was going through a growth spurt.  So, for the most part he was less than fun to be around.  Everyday when I picked him up she regailed me with stories about what a handful he was that day.  No mom wants to hear that about her kid.  So, on Friday I asked if he had always been fine and was just having an off week.  Nope, apparently he's always fussy for her and is progressively getting worse.  She claims that she can only leave him in one spot for a max of 20 minutes before he cries.  Um, excuse me lady, but he's 4.5 months old.  He can not self soothe yet nor can he entertain himself.  I pay you to take care of and entertain my kid!  Meanwhile, when her daugher helps watch him, she always says he's great for her.  She actually gets on the floor and plays with him.  (Side bar: a friend of mine actually interviewed my sitter and she point blank told her that the daughter is who plays with the kids b/c she's younger and doesn't mind getting on the floor with him) When we were initially emailing about childcare, she said they love to interact and love on the babies and they don't believe that a baby can be held too much.  She has also complained that he needs to be held too often.  Yesterday she told B that in all her years of watching kids, she has never seen a baby as fussy as H.

This is where this mama bear gets pissed.  We kept a completely open mind and observed H last weekend.  We took him for walks and played with him and even laid him down on his play mat. He was fine.  All weekend.  When he was bored, he'd fuss and we'd move on to the next activity.  I even contacted our previous nanny to see if he was fussy for her or if I just can see no wrong in my kid.  She said he'd have his off days, as all babies do, but once you figured out what he liked, he was perfectly happy.  So, is it her or is it H? 

So, now we're on the hunt yet again for a new sitter for our little guy.  It is so heartbreaking to have to leave him every day with someone that we're not 100% on board with.  I'm nearly in tears writing this, thinking of him being with someone who doens't think he's the best baby that ever was.  Unfortunately me not working isn't an option.  And actual daycare centers in our area are outrageously priced.

Wish us luck as we try to find someone who will love our little guy like their own and that we feel ok with leaving him while we work.

And, as promised, here is an adorable nugget pic!

Hippo just loves her baby brother!

Sleep revisited

Guys, we have gotten an uninterrupted full night's sleep every night since Thursday.  This is huge.  Granted, when I wrote my original sleep post, I was all impressed with myself for figuring out sleep so early on.  Well, as they do, my kiddo made a fool of me.  Ok, not that bad.  I have a flair for the dramatic.  But, he did continue his not so fun paci game for quite some time.

So, after a few nights of him not being remotely tired when I put him down, I thought maybe he wasn't sleeping soundly because he was going to bed too early.  Thursday night I put him down at 8.  A little fussing then bam! sleep through the night.  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we had things going on each evening and he went to bed closer to 8:30.  Bam!  sleep through the night!  Last night he was a bit fussy so I put him to bed around 7:45 - bam! sleep through the night.

It may or may not need to be noted that he's also gone from 3 naps to about 2 now.  That could have something to do with it.  I have no idea.

I guess the whole point of this follow up post is to just listen to your little nugget.  Pay attention to his/her cues.  They usually will let you know what's best for them.

Holding my breath

As I mentioned in Holt's 4 month update, we had a scare when his head measured much bigger than it had at his 2 month check up.  We went yesterday for his ultrasound and everything checked out perfectly normal.  There is some extra fluid in there, but nothing to be concerned with.  Apparently this is just one of those things that happen.  But, it was terrifying to hear that something could be wrong with my little guy.

Holding his own bottle, such a big boy.  Nothing is wrong with his head!

 

The day we found out that something could potentially be wrong, I was devestated.  The mere thought that there was potential for something to be wrong with my miracle baby shook me to my core.  I was talking to my mom about it and she said something that really struck a cord with me and perfectly described how I felt in that moment.  She said "I feel like I've been holding my breath for you for the past 3 years".  It was so true.  Between all the infertility stuff we fought through.  Then, getting pregnant and having a few scares during my pregnancy (a cyst on his brain, potential gestational diabetes, the preeclampsia).  Once my boy was born, there was a murmer scare that resolved itself.  Once we brought him home there was the weight loss and the jaundice.  It the moment it really felt like that was it.  I'm holding my breath constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But, I realize that maybe, it's not waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Maybe it's a lesson in strength.  My mom always says that I come from "Pioneer Stock" and that I'm strong.  I used to not believe it.  But, if the past 3 years have taught me anything thing, it's that I do have that pioneer spirit.  That I can go through hell and come out the other side stronger.  It's sort of empowering to know that I have this inner strength that I never really knew I had.

A reminder from my mom on the board in my labor & delivery room

I will say that I may have lost a little of my ability to look on the bright side.  After so many disappointments, its easier for me to go into a potentially scary situation (my 4 month old's brain ultrasound for instance) in sort of neutral mode.  If I don't get my hopes up, then it's not as far to fall if something is actually wrong.  I guess that's the definition of "expect the worst but hope for the best".

I suppose this is what parenting is all about.  Holding your breath and expecting the worst but preparing for the best.



2 weeks!

Sweet baby H is now 16 days old.  The past 2 weeks have been quite the learning experience.  We have had feeding issues since basically the beginning.  He wouldn't latch at the hospital despite countless meetings with the lactation consultants.  At his check up the day after we got home, he had lost too much weight.  He weighed 7 lbs 8 oz at birth and 3 days later was down to 6 lbs 10 oz.  The weight loss was concerning enough, but the doctor also noticed he was a bit yellow, so we had to go get blood drawn to check his bilirubin levels.  Those were elevated.  So, for the next 4 days we had to go get blood drawn every day.  By 6 days old, the levels went down enough to no longer be a concern.  The eating, however, still was.  Due to the weight loss, we had to supplient with formula while waiting for my milk to come in.  When it finally did come in, I began pumping and bottle feeding.  Then, in a last ditch effort to actually nurse, I called in a friend who is a lactation consultant and she introduced me to the nipple shield.  That thing was a game changer.  He latched on to that with no issue what so ever. He was eating every 3 hours during the day and every 4 at night.  It was glorious.  Or so I thought.  At his 2 week check up, we discovered he was only gaining the minimum amount of weight (half an ounce).  So, he was still not up to his birth weight, which is what they want by 2 weeks.  So, it was time yet again to reevaluate his eating/feeding habits.  I started back to the pumping and bottle feeding.  We were giving him 3 oz every 3 hours.  However, because he apparently wasn't eating enough at the breast, my supply must have slowed up a bit.  So, now we're having to supplement a bit with formula.  But, if it means my little guy is gaining weight, then I'll do what I have to do.  The good news is that he is now up to 7 lbs 10 oz!!!!  Past his birth weight!  So, we're going to keep doing exactly what we're doing.  And, if for some reason the boobie milk dries up, I've made my peace with formula.  In the end, all that matters is that he gets the nourishment he needs.

*Disclaimer - I'm doing things to help my milk supply.  Mothers milk tea daily.  A daily beer.  Pumping with every feeding during the day.