Being a mom is hard, guys. The hardest and most amazing thing I've ever done. There's a saying that having a child is like having your heart outside your body. That is completely accurate. So, when you have to leave your heart in the hands of someone else for 9 or so hours a day, it's excruciating (I had to google search that to make sure I spelled it right. For the record, I did!). Leaving my little nugget every morning is so hard. Leaving him to be cared for and snuggled and loved by someone else just plain sucks.
But, you know what makes all that either easier or harder? Your childcare provider. Now, I have been back to work for a little over 2 months and we're on our third babysitter. The first one didn't work out b/c she claimed H cried too much. The second one we LOVED and she loved our little guy. But, she moved 2 hours away, so clearly that wasn't going to work. Initially, we really liked our new lady. She immediately reminded B of his beloved babysitter from when he was little. But, slowly over the past month that we've been with her, we're liking her less and less. Also, she is regularly in her robe or a nightgown when I pick him up at 5:15 PM.
Last week, H was going through a growth spurt. So, for the most part he was less than fun to be around. Everyday when I picked him up she regailed me with stories about what a handful he was that day. No mom wants to hear that about her kid. So, on Friday I asked if he had always been fine and was just having an off week. Nope, apparently he's always fussy for her and is progressively getting worse. She claims that she can only leave him in one spot for a max of 20 minutes before he cries. Um, excuse me lady, but he's 4.5 months old. He can not self soothe yet nor can he entertain himself. I pay you to take care of and entertain my kid! Meanwhile, when her daugher helps watch him, she always says he's great for her. She actually gets on the floor and plays with him. (Side bar: a friend of mine actually interviewed my sitter and she point blank told her that the daughter is who plays with the kids b/c she's younger and doesn't mind getting on the floor with him) When we were initially emailing about childcare, she said they love to interact and love on the babies and they don't believe that a baby can be held too much. She has also complained that he needs to be held too often. Yesterday she told B that in all her years of watching kids, she has never seen a baby as fussy as H.
This is where this mama bear gets pissed. We kept a completely open mind and observed H last weekend. We took him for walks and played with him and even laid him down on his play mat. He was fine. All weekend. When he was bored, he'd fuss and we'd move on to the next activity. I even contacted our previous nanny to see if he was fussy for her or if I just can see no wrong in my kid. She said he'd have his off days, as all babies do, but once you figured out what he liked, he was perfectly happy. So, is it her or is it H?
So, now we're on the hunt yet again for a new sitter for our little guy. It is so heartbreaking to have to leave him every day with someone that we're not 100% on board with. I'm nearly in tears writing this, thinking of him being with someone who doens't think he's the best baby that ever was. Unfortunately me not working isn't an option. And actual daycare centers in our area are outrageously priced.
Wish us luck as we try to find someone who will love our little guy like their own and that we feel ok with leaving him while we work.
And, as promised, here is an adorable nugget pic!
|Hippo just loves her baby brother!|