Things nobody tells you about pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum...

As I was getting ready this morning and realized that there was possibly more hair in my sink that on my head, I thought I'd share a few things that no one tells you about having a baby.  The good, the bad, and the ugly...

Pregnancy
1.  You will feel like you've been repeatedly kicked in the vag.  This is normal.  Apparently it's just your pelvic floor stretching.  How lovely.
2.  You basically leak constantly.  You think that when you get pregnant any liquid coming out of you stops.  Nope.  You basically have a constant flow of discharge.
3.  The five second window you have to go from not hungry to ravenous.  That 5 seconds is no joke.  I would go from perfectly fine to all weak and shaky I was so hungry.  Purse and car snacks are a must.
4.  First trimester tiredness is more like first trimester mind numbing exhaustion.  I have never been so tired in all my life, and I've had a newborn.  I was just worn the eff out all the time.  There were times I'd get home from work and not really remember how I got home.

Labor & Delivery
1.  When your water breaks, it doesn't stop flowing.  This one surprised me.  Hours after it was broken, I sat up to get my epidural and there was another huge gush...almost all over B's shoe.  That was kind of funny.
2.  The epidural, while glorious, does have some adverse side effects.  A friend of mine threw up like crazy when she had hers.  Mine made me shake like crazy.  So much so that it kind of freaked me out a little.  The tips of two of my fingers were also numb for a while, something I think may have to do with the epidural.
3.  How to push.  No one talks about this.  You see people dramatically pushing on TV and in the movies, but there is no where telling you how to actually do this.  The best advice I got was from a friend who said to push like you're pooping.  This served me well as I was told that I was a chapmion pusher.
4.  Sometimes cliches are true. I lived for the ice chips and cold compress on my head...until I didn't.
5.  Getting an epidural isn't super fast and easy.  I don't know why I thought this was effortless.  You get a little shot of lidocane and bing bam boom you get the epi and drift off into relaxation.  Mine took forever and the poor guy doing it had to stick me several times, eventually laying me on my side to get it in.
5a.  Having scoliosis can effect your epi.  I had to go meet with an anesthesiologist at my      hospital early on to ensure that I could have one due to my scoliosis.  They said I could.  However, the guy actually giving it to me claimed that that's why it was difficult.

Postpartum
1.  Breastfeeding is hard, yo.  Everyone talks about what a natural and beautiful thing it is.  No one tells you that is so hard.  You're already overwhelmed and exhausted and sore and in total awe of your little person and now you have this added stress of making sure they're getting enough food.  My milk didn't come in until about Wednesday.  H was born on Saturday.  It was so hard and exhausting.  And, even once it came in, he wouldn't latch, then he wasn't getting enough.  It was the 3 hardest weeks of my life, trying to breastfeed. 
2.  As mentioned above, you will lose your hair.  Copious amounts of it.  I'm talking like enough to stuff a couch and have a hair couch if you wanted to.  You hoard all your hair when you're pregnant, resulting in glorious pregnancy hair.  Well, don't get used to it ladies cause it won't last long!
3.  Your first post delivery poop will scare you to death.  You may think that you just pushed a human out of you, a poop is nothing.  Uh, no.  Its terrifying BECAUSE you just pushed a human out of you.  Thankfully, they give you stool softeners in the hospital to make it a little easier.
4.  This was from my mom.  It hurts for a while after.  She said that's what surprised her most when she had her first, my brother.  With the advent of Pinterest and all their postpartum recovery pins, I feel like this one is being talked about more and more.  I didn't hurt as bad as I was afraid I would.  But, I was suprised at what triggered pain.  I sneezed a few days pp and was shocked that it hurt down stairs.  Who knew!

So, there you have it.  Some little gems of wisdom from me to you.  And, if you've had a baby, feel free to chime in on the comments if I missed any!