2 month stuff

My sweet boy is now 2 weeks old!  Well, actually, he's more than that, but whatever....
I ordered some adorable month by month stickers to take a picture monthly to see how much he's grown.  My friend Ashley inspired us to take his picture in the same spot next to something each month to see the difference.  Her little nugget is younger than mine, so we didn't get the inspiration until before the 2 month shot.  Eh well.  Here he is at 2 months.  He's so big!



So dapper!

 And, for comparison's sake - here's a little side by side action for months 1 and 2...

Such a difference!

We had his two month check up yesterday.  He is 11 lbs 8 oz and 23 3/4 inches long.  He's in the 37% of weight and 73% of height.  Long and lean my little one!  B was initially concerned that it was just 37%, but seeing as how he was only in the 12% at 2 weeks, I was excited!  The NP we saw said he was looking great.  She was super impressed at how well he holds his head up and is able to push up.  So strong!  Then, he had his vaccines.  Now, I know there are all sorts of debates out there surrounding vaccinating your kid.  I trust my peditrician's office and know they have the best interest of my son at heart.  So, whatever they say is what I'll do.  My little guy was such a trooper!  He cried when they stuck him but after that he was totally fine.  He was even asleep in his carseat before we even made it to the car.  Luckily for the babysitter, he slept all day long.

Which, brings me to my next topic.  We got fired from daycare.  After 9 days.  This may be some sort of record!  She claims that he cries all day every day and that her neighbors complain.  I think it's a her issue.  He's usually super sweet for us in the morning and evening.  She has her own 4 month old and her own toddler.  So, I honestly think she just bit off more than she can chew.  Now we're scrambling to find another sitter ASAP.  Thankfully B's job is flexible and his mom lives nearby.  So, next week they're splitting time to keep him.  After that it's a bit of a crap shoot.  I'm sure we will find someone we love and who loves him.

Our first long road trip was a success!  I got off work a little early so we were able to hit the road about 2 hours ahead of schedule.  We fed him a little before we left and he slept almost the whole time.  He woke up once to eat and once because he had a major poop situation.  Toward the end he got a little fussy, but poor guy had been in his seat the whole time.  He just wanted to be out.  The ride home was pretty much the same.  Minus the poop situation, thank goodness! 

The trip was a great time.  He got to meet my two BFF's, his Aunt KK and his Aunt Jess.  He got lots of snuggle time in with his aunts and uncle and grandparents.  As always it went by way to fast. 

His skeptical faces crack me up!

He seems to be a little under the weather today, but hopefully he'll feel better soon.  We have a big weekend!

8 Weeks!

So, yeah, about the 6 weeks that have passed sine I last blogged...my bad!  But, I have just been soaking up each and every minute I possibly can with my sweet little boo boo.
Weeks 3-4 were hard.  B went to Michigan to train for his new job.  This consisted of him tasting beers and booze.  Tough stuff.  You know what's not fun for a new mom of a baby who's only a few weeks old?  Getting texts of your hubby drinking all day for 2 weeks.  I wanted to stab him in the eyeball.  In the most loving way possible, of course.  But, all in all, we made it through.  And B loves the new job, so it was all worth it.  During that time, we made the decision to quit breastfeeding.  Once I started pumping exclusively and bottle feeding, things got rough.  My plan was to feed, then pump for the next feeding while el bambino chilled in his swing.  Well, he had others plans. Those mostly consisted of spitting up profusely and crying his eyes out for a good hour or so.  Not fun for the momma.  After about a week of this, I called the peditrician.  She said to switch my nightly formula feedings to sensitive formula.  I did that and it was like a whole new kid.  So, we did that for a day.  The next day I switched back to breast milk.  The beast was back.  After a tearful conversation with B, we made the decision to just go to formula.  I had gotten him to his original due date on breast milk, it was something.  I still felt very bad and defeated and like a failure.  But, this decision was in the best interest of my kiddo and me, and that's the best I can do.
At week 3 and a half, my sister and her boyfriend came by to pick me and boo boo up and take us to Myrtle Beach for our brother's wedding.  It was amazing.  I had unlimited help, plus my family got to meet my sweet boy. And, I got to see my brother marry the love of his life.  It was amazing.

Aren't we adorable in our matching outfits!

The following weekend, B had a work thing in DC, so the nugget and I tagged along.  We spent Saturday walking the National Mall and changing diapers on any national point of interest we could.  We changed a diaper at the Capitol Building, along the reflecting pool, and at the Natural History Museum.  Good times my friends, good times. 

The next few weeks were spent snuggling as much as I could.  My maternity leave was ending soon and I was one sad momma.  No part of me was ready or wanted to go back to work. 

Lazy Sunday Snuggles

The first day was hard.  I sobbed as I left him.  But, we have a great in home daycare lady to watch him.  We are very confident that he is in great hands.  But, they're not my hands, so that makes me sad.  But, I know that going to work is for the betterment of my little family.  It allows us to do certain things like eat and pay the mortgage.  You know, the little things.  But, it's gotten progressively easier. 

Last weekend was my first Mother's Day.  I can't explain how excited I was to finally be able to celebrate this holiday.  Last year, the weekend Mother's Day fell on was the weekend we found out or first round of fertility meds failed.  It's amazing what a difference a year can make.  Thank you, my sweet Holt, for making me a mommy.  I know with every fiber of my being that you were meant to be my son and I was meant to be your mommy.

My Mother's Day gift

We spent the day relaxing and then went to B's aunt's house to celebrate with the other mothers in the family. It was a great day.

Can you stand the cuteness?

I certainly can't!

At 7 weeks, we discovered that the poor little nugget has chicken pox!  B had shingles a few weeks ago, and apparently passed it along to the boy.  Poor little baby!  Luckily he doesn't seem to be bothered by them too bad. He's just a little clingier than usual.  But, I can't say that I mind the extra snuggles!

Loving his oatmeal bath

And, now we're at week 8!  Well, tomorrow.  I can't believe my sweet boy is going to be 2 months old.  It has flown by!  Next week, we're attempting a road trip to TN to visit my family for Memorial Day.  I'll check back in to report how it went driving 9 hours with a 9 week old!

To my sweet boy:
I love you more and more each day.  I had no idea my heart could hold this much love.  You are getting quite the little personality.  You love to be read to before bed.  But, then, you just hang out in your bed wide awake!  You love your carseat and going for a car ride.  You look around with those big wide eyes taking in the world around you.  You know my voice and your daddy's and will look our direction when we talk to you.  You're a great eater, goig from perfectly fine to STARVING in about 2.5 seconds flat.  That's always fun!  You love for us to sing you songs and talk to you.  You amaze us every day.

2 weeks!

Sweet baby H is now 16 days old.  The past 2 weeks have been quite the learning experience.  We have had feeding issues since basically the beginning.  He wouldn't latch at the hospital despite countless meetings with the lactation consultants.  At his check up the day after we got home, he had lost too much weight.  He weighed 7 lbs 8 oz at birth and 3 days later was down to 6 lbs 10 oz.  The weight loss was concerning enough, but the doctor also noticed he was a bit yellow, so we had to go get blood drawn to check his bilirubin levels.  Those were elevated.  So, for the next 4 days we had to go get blood drawn every day.  By 6 days old, the levels went down enough to no longer be a concern.  The eating, however, still was.  Due to the weight loss, we had to supplient with formula while waiting for my milk to come in.  When it finally did come in, I began pumping and bottle feeding.  Then, in a last ditch effort to actually nurse, I called in a friend who is a lactation consultant and she introduced me to the nipple shield.  That thing was a game changer.  He latched on to that with no issue what so ever. He was eating every 3 hours during the day and every 4 at night.  It was glorious.  Or so I thought.  At his 2 week check up, we discovered he was only gaining the minimum amount of weight (half an ounce).  So, he was still not up to his birth weight, which is what they want by 2 weeks.  So, it was time yet again to reevaluate his eating/feeding habits.  I started back to the pumping and bottle feeding.  We were giving him 3 oz every 3 hours.  However, because he apparently wasn't eating enough at the breast, my supply must have slowed up a bit.  So, now we're having to supplement a bit with formula.  But, if it means my little guy is gaining weight, then I'll do what I have to do.  The good news is that he is now up to 7 lbs 10 oz!!!!  Past his birth weight!  So, we're going to keep doing exactly what we're doing.  And, if for some reason the boobie milk dries up, I've made my peace with formula.  In the end, all that matters is that he gets the nourishment he needs.

*Disclaimer - I'm doing things to help my milk supply.  Mothers milk tea daily.  A daily beer.  Pumping with every feeding during the day.

He's here!!!

He's here! He's really here!
At my 36 week appointment, Dr. T checked to see if I was dilated at all.  I wasn't.  It was decided that I would be admitted the following night to get the dilation process started.  Holy crap this is real.  Luckily having so much notice my mom was able to get into town, so we spent the next day getting last minute baby stuff.  And, of course, getting a pedicure.  Hahaha
Mom, B, and I met my aunt, uncle and cousin out for dinner.  Then, B and I headed to the hospital. It was officially go time.
Once we got in and settled, a nurse came in and put in my IV lock.  That hurt, let me tell you.  I normally have great veins and it's never an issue.  This chick had a hell of a time getting my vein.  No bueno.  Then, it was time for Dr. T to insert the pill to dilate me.  It was in a tube or something so it could be removed the next morning.  She couldn't use any jelly or anything, so that also hurt like a bitch.  Then, they didn't get enough blood, so they had to draw more blood and for some reason it stopped flowing.  Needless to say, it was a rough start.  I was offered an Ambien to sleep and stupidly declined.  Word to the wise, if you're being induced and are offered and Ambien - TAKE IT!!!!!!  I was wide awake at around 2 am.  This was not good.  I knew the next day would be a loooong day and I'd need my energy.  Then, around 3:30, the lady in the room next to me had her baby, with no meds.  And we heard the whole darn thing.  That is NOT what you want to hear the night before you have a baby!!!
The next morning, Dr. T arrived around 9:20ish.  She checked me and I was dilated to 2.  I was already having some inconsistent contractions.  She went ahead and broke my water at 9:40 am.  It shockingly did not hurt.  I was pleasantly surprised.  However, I had just taken a shower so I could have done without the ick factor.  They started my pitocin shortly there after.  Mom arrived along with my contractions.  They hurt, but I was able to breathe through them.  I had made it perfectly clear that I wanted an epidural as soon as humanly possible.  They had to make sure I had a litre of fluid in me before they could order it, but they were really on top of it and made sure that I got it as soon as I could.  Around noon or so, the anesthesiologist came in.  Bless him, he tried really hard to put that bad boy in the first try.  Let me tell you, leaning over my huge belly, having contractions, and squishing my already squished lungs makes it pretty darn hard to bend over the right way.  So, after about 6 attempts, he had me lay on my side.  He got it the first try.  I will say this, it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would.  I was terrified of the epi.  They numb it up with lidocaine first.  The actual epi just feels like a pop.  I was not a fan, however, of the catheter they put in.  It kept making me feel like I had to pee sooooo bad!
Once that was in, I was able to relax.  Mom and B were in there with me all day.  B's parents alternated between the two coming in.  I was only allowed 2 people other than B in the room.  My contracts slowed down after the epi, which can happen.  The upped the pitocin and we waited.  Dr. T is amazing and said I was able to have light snacks.  So, at one point I had some Italian ice.  It was delish.  I napped off and on for the afternoon.  Then, around 3:30 or 4 I woke up in a blind panic.  I couldn't feel my legs (duh, I had an epi!), and it was completely freaking me out.  I'm super claustrophobic and not being able to move them was awful in the moment.  My mom realized that there was a good chance that I was in transition.  She called the nurse in who said they hadn't planned on checking me again till 5 (the last check I was only at a 4).  I was a 9 and a half.  I was in transition.  She called in Dr. T.  Meanwhile, I was going on and on about how the baby was coming out of my butt.  That's exactly what it felt like!  Dr. T got there and checked me.  She just had to look and could already see the head! She threw on some scrubs and it was go time!  My mom and MIL left and it was time to push!
B held a leg and the nurse held the other.  I pushed for about an hour and 20 minutes.  Again, I was surprised at how much less it hurt than I thought it would.  Dr. T watched my contractions on the monitor and told me when to push.  She said I was a champion pusher.  Having her give me positive feedback was what I needed to keep going.
At 5:57 Hold Fairfield Watts II made his debut.  He weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20.5 inches long with a head full of dark brown hair.  We are completely and totally head over heels in love with this little guy.

Catch up!

So I know I've been majorly slacking. And I really have no excuse. Especially since I've been at home for the last week and a half!
Lets back up shall we? About a month or so ago, I went in for my bi-weekly appointment. Dr. T did my fundal measurement and asked if I was a big baby. I immediately knew where this was headed! I said I was about 6ish lbs but I was also 4 weeks early. Then she asked if B was big. I said I didn't think so. Apparently the little nugget was measuring a good 3 weeks ahead of schedule. So, she wanted to do a growth scan for my next appt 2 weeks later just to see how big he really was.
Fast forward 2 weeks to our appt. The tech took my blood pressure and it was 140/76. She mentioned it was a bit elevated but then sent us into the ultrasound room. The ultrasound lady looked around and measured him. He was about 2.5 weeks ahead of schedule and estimated weight of around 5 lbs 15 oz! Yikes! Lol. Then, the best part - we got to see his sweet little face! It was so unbelievable. It was a regular 2D ultrasound so I was so shocked to see all his features. He has his daddy's eyelashes and these adorable chubby cheeks. We even saw he has hair, which explains the crazy heartburn!  So then we go back to the exam room to meet with the doctor. She said that last visit my bp was rising and this one was her cut off for high. So she was concerned. She sent me home with a jug to collect my urine for 24 hours (pregnancy is soooo glamorous!) to test for protein. So I did that and awaited the results. They were not good. Apparently my protein levels were elevated so between that and the high bp, I have preeclampsia. So I was told I could finish out my day at work and would officially be on modified bed rest until the baby makes his debut. Yikes! Let me tell you, trying to fit 12 weeks worth of work into less than a day did not help the high blood pressure!
Due to the preeclampsia my visits were now weekly and I had to do the lovely pee collection weekly. So nice. At my appointment last week, my bp was still the same. And the nugget was measuring at 37 weeks (at 34.5), so still big. I did not expect the next words to come out of Dr.T's mouth - do you mind if we induce at 37 weeks? Cue record scratching sound. Do what now? You want me to have this baby in two and a half weeks?! Um holy shit! But, I knew she wouldn't recommend it if it weren't best for both me and my baby. We will be inducing at exactly 37 weeks on March 23. Meanwhile I'm still on bed rest, still doing weekly appointments, and added non stress tests.
I'm officially 35 weeks 2 days. Sore from laying around all day and bored silly. But, the end is on the horizon.

32 Weeks

Holy moly - only 8 weeks left - MAX.  How has this pregnancy flown by so much!?!

How far along? 32 Weeks 3 Days
Size of baby:  I went with a different source this week - so he is the size of a loaf of bread
Total weight gain/loss: I think I'm roughly 25 lbs.  That works for me!
Maternity clothes: YES!  Even non maternity sleep tee shirts are getting a bit snug
Gender:  Sweet little boy!  Holt Fairfield Watts II
Movement: All the darn time.  He's got a ton of energy in there.  He takes after his daddy
Sleep: Not so good.  I can't get comfortable and when I do, I can't stay that way.
What I miss:  A good night's sleep
Cravings: Comfort food.  Especially the kind that can be drown in ranch or honey mustard dressing.  MMMMM
Best moment this past week:  Watching B experience the baby moving.  It's so stinking adorable!  I like that he can now be more a part of things.
Symptoms: Heartburn like woah.  I had toast this morning and I'm dying.  And the puffy fingers and feet and cankles.  They're super cute.
What I'm looking forward to: Baby shower numero dos is this week.  Can't wait!  Oh, and I just noticed that I went all spanish with my verbage and my shower is at a Mexican restaurant!  And my ultrasound next week.  This little nugget is measuring a big large (3 weeks early!!!!!!) so we're going to check him out and see just how big he is getting and then formulate a game plan.  God bless my OB who said if he's going to be more than 10 lbs she won't make me birth him.  I love her.
Milestones: He is likely in the head down position now
Mood: The hormones are rearing up a bit more than they were...
Signs of labor? Nope, thank goodness.
Wedding rings on or off? Officially off.  I'm now wearing a ring that's part of a right hand set.  It's sparkly and it fits.  Winner!

31 Weeks

How do I only have 9 weeks left?!  Holy crap!

How far along? 31 Weeks 2 Days
Size of baby:  A Pineapple.  Mmmmmy pineapple sounds really good now. 
Total weight gain/loss: I'm hovering around 23 lbs.  I'm totally fine with that.
Maternity clothes: Yes and yes!
Gender:  Sweet little boy!  Holt Fairfield Watts II
Movement: All the time.  He's getting so big now that the movements are super noticeable.  And sometimes not so pleasant.  But really cool.  Any my belly now looks like there's an alien living inside it.
Sleep: Depends on the day.  Usually not great though
What I miss:  This weekend I really missed adult beverages for some reason
Cravings: Chips Ahoy chocolate chunk cookies. MMMMMMMM
Best moment this past week:  Laying on the couch yesterday watching my belly move.  Then, B laid is head on my belly and the baby kicked him in the head.  Seeing B's reaction was adorable.
Symptoms: Still the dry nose.  And the achiness.
What I'm looking forward to: Having maternity pics taken in a few weeks.  Hopefully I won't be as big as a house then.
Milestones: All 5 senses are now working and his temperature is partially regulated by the brain
Mood: Pretty good.  Although I've noticed I've had a shorter fuse lately.  And I'm a bit weepier
Signs of labor? Nope, thank goodness.
Wedding rings on or off? Still just down to one, which is usually my engagement ring.

29 Weeks

I know I have been seriously slacking.  I'm very sorry about that!  But, I'm back with the weekly preggo round up and I have pictures!  :)

How far along? 29 Weeks 3 Days
Size of baby:  A butternut squash.  I saw on this weekend, and holy cow it's big!
Total weight gain/loss: Last I weighed myself I think I was around 19 lbs or so.  I'm totally fine with that!  I am having some trouble coming to terms with the size of me.  But, I know it just means that me and baby are healthy.  We worked too long and hard for this for me to care about getting big.  Or massive.
Maternity clothes: Yes and yes!
Gender:  Sweet little boy!  Holt Fairfield Watts II
Movement: All the time.  He's quite the little mover and shaker in there.  His new thing is to chill out right beneath my rib cage.  That's real comfy for mommy.
Sleep: Not great.  I can't get comfortable, I wake up to pee or change positions.  I guess I'm just getting ready for those real sleepless nights.
What I miss:  Sleeping comfortably through the night!
Cravings: I realized last night that my craving has been fried chicken.  I eat fried chicken salads or chicken tenders or Chick Fil A a LOT more than I used to
Best moment this past week:  Making good progress on the nursery.  It's come a long way!
Symptoms: Dry sinuses.  And I'm sore all the time - my back, my hips.  I have a feeling my waddle isn't too far behind...

What I'm looking forward to: Going to the doctor tomorrow and hearing my little guy's heartbeat.
Milestones: Baby's brain is now getting wrinkles.  He's getting fatter, so between that and the wrinkles, he's beginning to be able to regulate his own body temperature
Mood: Pretty good most days
Signs of labor? No and no
Wedding rings on or off? Well, I'm down to one ring out of three (engagement ring and 2 wedding bands).  But as long as I can wear one I'm happy!

And here's a quick nursery sneak peek...

Catch Up

Ok, I know I have been an awful blogger.  I haven't updated in I don't know when.  I haven't even kept up with the pregnancy week by week or the 5 for Friday.  I suck!  It's been kind of hectic around these parts and, honestly, I haven't really had anything interesting to say.

*  Christmas was different.  It was lovely and wonderful, but it always feels different for me when I don't go home to TN and celebrate it with my family.  This was my second spending it with B's family and I'm still adjusting.  It's hard to get used to another way of spending a holiday that you've celebrated one way your whole life. 

*  New Years Eve was fun.  We went to an Avett Brothers concert with some friends.  I was a little skeptical, you know being super pregnant at a concert.  But, it was a really good time.  B and I had a lovely moment at midnight realizing what an amazing and huge year we have coming up.  Aside from the baby, I turn 30, and we have some other super secret stuff on the horizon as well.  2013 is going to be a big big year for us and we started it off right!

These are lyrics to a song sang at the concert.  "Murder in the City" is the song.  B and I fell in love with the lyrics.

* We are making some headway with the nursery.  We've got some stuff on the walls and are just waiting for showers to happen so we know what we're working with. 

* The little nugget has become insanely wiggly in the past few days.  It's crazy and amazing and weird all rolled into one.  B loves it because he finally gets to be a part of it.

* My first baby shower is this weekend in TN.  My two oldest and dearest (they were co-maids of honor in my wedding) are hosting it for me.  So, not only do I get to celebrate with some of my favorite ladies I haven't seen in a while, I also get to love on my sweet sweet nephews for a few days.  Can't wait!

* Hopefully I'll get some good pics this weekend so I can blog about the shower.  And, perhaps even get a good bump shot so I can continue my weeekly preggo round up.

25 Weeks

I'm giving myself a pass for missing week 24.  You know, the holidays, blah blah blah!  Here we are with week 25!

How far along? 25 Weeks 2 Day.  I honestly had a fierce convo with B yesterday swearing I was 26 weeks.  Hooray for baby brian!
Size of baby:  This week varies a LOT - eggplant, rutabega, or cauliflower.  I'm going with eggplant.  It's easier to spell.
Total weight gain/loss: I haven't weighed myself it a while.  We will go with 10-15
Maternity clothes:  Always
Gender:  Sweet baby boy  
Movement: Lots and lots of movement.  We watched the latest Batman movie the other day and he was going bananas.  Such a boy already!
Sleep: Complete and total crap.  I wake up around 2 or 3 and stay up for an hour.  Ugh.
What I miss:  Sleep.  But, I supposed I should get used to that, huh?
Cravings: Nothing really.  Although, I've noticed I eat a heck of a lot of fried chicken - salads or Chick Fil A.  MMMMMM
Best moment this past week: Getting my prenantal massage.  AMAZING!!!  I wanted to kiss my massage therapis on the mouth when she was done.
Symptoms: Stuffy dry nose and lack of sleep. Oh, and stretch marks.  They're coming and bringing friends.  Jerks. 
What I'm looking forward to: It's New Year's Eve, and we're going to a concert with some friends.  Should be a good time! 
Milestones: His body parts are becoming proportional to eachother and he's starting to fill out
Mood: So far so good!
Signs of labor? Nope!
Wedding rings on or off? On, ut they're getting a bit snug...

I actually have a pic this week!  Hooray!!!

2012 - The Year in Review

I gotta say, 2012 was a pretty great year.  We had some set backs, but we also had some major triupmhs.  So, sit back, relax, and let's look back on 2012!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Gave myself daily shots in the belly fat.  We've already established that I'm a needle wuss and being able to do that (ok, being able to have B do that) was a major accomplishment.  Oh, you know, also get pregnant.  Never done that one before either!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any last year.  I usually set myself up for failure and didn't want to start a new year that way.  And I don't think I'll make any for next year either!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My soon to be sister in law had my sweet baby nephew in October!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, B's sweet grandfather passed away in November.

 

5. What countries did you visit? Just the good ole US of A.  No international travel this year.

 

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? A healthy baby boy!!!!

 

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 3 - B's successful surgery!  July 23 - my IUI in which we got pregnant!!  August 3 - Holy crap we're pregnant!!  November 8 - confirmed baby H is a BOY!  October 2 - welcome to the world sweet nephew!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning that I'm stronger than I think.  We had a lot thrown at us this year and I learned to trust in myself and know that I can in fact handle what's thrown at me.

9. What was your biggest failure? Letting myself get frustrated and upset about things that were out of my control.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Some colds, my epic pregnancy bronchitis, and my awesome fall in July that almost broke my foot.  Oh, and my dog bit me shortly after midnight last year, so we'll include that as well. 

 

11. What was the best thing you bought? My new car!  And, I guess, fertility meds.  Clearly those buggers worked!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My sweet amazing husband.  He's been my rock this year.  I'm so glad that I finally get to make him a daddy.  And, my mom.  She has been so unbelievably supportive through this whole thing.  In fact, she really deserves her own post dedicated to her awesomeness.

 

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Oh, the fine folks at B's insurance company.  And, at the office of the place that he had his surgery.  Those 2 companies were the source of much frustration and anger this year.

14. Where did most of your money go? To medical expenses.  Between B's surgery and my stuff, it was quite the expensive year medically.  But, sooooo soooo sooo worth every penny!

 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Oh, that's easy.  Finally getting pregnant.  There are no words to properly describe how excited we are about that!  And, all the new milestones that come with that.  It's been amazing so far!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Porcelain Doll by Chatham County Line.  B said it reminds him of when we have a baby and we finally did.  That song brought us to tears several times!

 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier.  Much much happier!

(b) Thinner or Fatter? Fatter. But, I'm ok with that since it's baby and all! :)

(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer. But we're ok with that!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Relax!  It was a stressful year, but it's all worked out in the end.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stress.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2012? We celebrated in NC with B's family. 

 

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? I fell more and more in love with my sweet B each and every day

22. How many one-night stands? Approximately ZERO

23. What was your favorite TV program? Revenge, Grey's Anatomy, Breaking Bad, Mad Men

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Can I say the insurance industry as a whole?  :)

25. What was the best book you read? Gone Girl. Amazing

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I can't say that I made any this year.

27. What did you want and get? Knocked up!

28. What did you want and not get? I got everything my heart desired this year.  I'm very lucky!!

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Ummmm... I'm not sure.  I guess none really stood out to me!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?  I spent my bday at home and I turned 29.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? It was a pretty satisfying year.  I guess the insurance company and the surgery center could have been non assholes, but that's out of my control.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Stretchy clothes are amazing!  Between the bloat of fertility meds and now being pregnant, stretchy clothes have been my friend this year!

33. What kept you sane? B, my mom, my friends, and my sweet puppies.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? After seeing Magic Mike, I finally understood what all the fuss was about with Channing Tatum!

35. What political issue stirred you the most? A lot this year, actually, and I'm not political at all.  The election was annoying, then the fiscal cliff mess, and now gun control.  Get your shit together, fellas!

36. Who did you miss? My family.  I hated missing my nephew's birth and then not being with them at Christmas.

37. Who was the best new person you met? I met a few great ladies this year that I"m glad I got to know.  Both in real life and online!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. Everything happens when and why and how it's supposed to, even if it's not when or why or how I want it to.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

When we tried so long
We almost gave up hope
And I remember you
Comin' in and tellin’ me the news

Oh man we were livin’
Goin’ crazy in the kitchen
We danced and screamed and held each other tight
We laughed until we cried

40. What are your resolutions for 2013? To know and respect my own limits as I get further in my pregnancy and beginning in motherhood.  To be the best mom I can be to our little guy.  To remember that not only am I a mommy, but also a wife and a friend and a woman and to honor each and every part of me.

 

Happy New Year everyone!!!  Let's make 2013 amazing!!

Inspiration and Pinspiration

Back when I was planning my wedding, I was an active member of the online community Weddingbee.  After the wedding, I stuck around because I love weddings and wasn't quite ready to go from bride to wife just yet.  Then, as we started to TTC, I found a great little nook of Weddingbee for those of us TTC.  And, more importantly, a thread of us that were struggling.  These women became my lifeline during the rough years that followed.  They were in the trenches too.  They GOT it in a way that no one else could.  We supported eachother, cheered for eachother, cried for eachother.  I'm happy to say that most of us that started on that board over 2 years ago have "graduated" and gone on to either have babies or get pregnant.  When we had a graduate, I can honestly say that I was genuinely happy for eacho of these ladies.  They earned it. 
On the bee, there was a thread going around that was full of inspiration quote graphics.  I wrote a lot of them down in the notebook I always carry with me.  It served as a great pick me up when I was feeling down or frustrated or just plain pissed off.  Then, once I discovered the gloriousness that is Pinterest, I started my own board of inspirational quotes.  And, even though I'm on the other side, it's nice to look back and remember those sayings and quotes that got me through.  And, still get me through.
So, I thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you guys.  It'll just be the quote since I can't source all the graphics.  Or, access Pinterest from my work computer...  These are the ones that really spoke to me.

*  Your journey is unfolding exactly as it should be
* Just because something isn't happening foryou right now doesn't mean it never will
* The longer you wait for something, the more you'll appreciate it when you get it.  Cause anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for (this one is definitely a favorite for me now.  As I deal with stretch marks and pregnancy insomnia and all the not so fun sides of pregnancy, I know that it's all so worth it and I would cover myself in stretch marks and never sleep a full night again to have this baby)
* It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.
* Jerimiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you...plans to give you hope and a future (this Bible verse has served me well through so many ups and downs in my life).
* You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.
*Owning our stories and loving ourselves through that porcess is the bravest thing we will ever do.  (this one is so meaningful to me b/c there were so many times I was so mad at myself and my body.  This was what my body was made to do and yet it failed me time and time again.)
*God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggles, and a reward for your faithfulness.  Don't give up.
*Your journey has molded your for your greater good.  And it was exactly what it needed to be.  Don't think that you've lost time.  It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now.  And now is the right time.
*Worrying will NEVER change the outcome.
*Whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.
*The question is not how to survive, but how to thrive with passion, compassion, humor, & style.
*We must be wiling to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.  -Joseph Campbell
*She took a leap and built her wings on the way down.
*She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails. - Elizabeth Edwards

You may have noticed that a lot of these are about letting go and trusting some sort of grander plan.  This was so hard for me.  I'm a planner and a control freak in the worst way.  I get so frustrated when things don't go my way or how and when I plan them.  It took me letting go and trusting that I was going to get my baby.  When or how I couldn't control.  I just had to have faith that it would happen.  That faith is what gave me the strenght to get through some of the darkest times with the infertility struggle.  And, it actually calmed me.  Once I let go I felt better.  I knew in my heart it would happen.  And it did.

23 Weeks!

How far along? 23 Weeks 3 Days
Size of baby:  Either an ear of corn or a large papaya - totally depends on the app.
Total weight gain/loss: I think I'm up to about 10 lbs now.
Maternity clothes:  Still yes.  Of course.
Gender:  Sweet baby boy  
Movement: Lots of movement now.  B got to feel him kick the other day.  It was amazing!
Sleep: Getting better.  I only woke up once last night!
What I miss:  Since it's the holidays I miss a nice glass of wine.  For some reason I feel like a glass of wine goes hand in hand with the holidays.
Cravings: Just food in general.  I can't seem to get enough!
Best moment this past week: B feeling baby H kick!
Symptoms: Just the stuffy nose. 
What I'm looking forward to: Christmas! 
Milestones: His face is almost fully formed
Mood: Pretty good.  I had a hormal rage moment this weekend, but pretty good otherwise!
Signs of labor? Nope!
Wedding rings on or off? On

And I finally have a legit picture of the week!!

I'm Pregnant!! Now What?!

When we last left off, our infertility journey wrapped up with an early morning trip to the potty.  I swear, those were the longest 3 minutes of my life!  I had heard that when you're actually pregnant you don't need to use first morning pee or that it won't take the full 3 mintues.  Mine was obviously first morning pee as it was 4:45.  And, while I don't think it took the full 3 minutes, it definitely didn't just pop up either.  Then, there it was - the second line.  That glorious, beautiful second line. 
I had taken many a preggo test in my day.  Digital ones, blue dye ones, ones with lines, ones with a positive sign.  You name it, I had been there.  Now, at this point, I had stopped using the digital ones.  There was just something really mean and somewhat sinister about seeing "NOT PREGNANT" in writing.  Why you gotta be so rude pregnancy test?!  So, this go 'round, I was using the First Response kind.  Amongst the infertility boards I was frequenting, these were the most accurate and had fewer false negatives or positives (apparently blue dye tests are more faulty.  The more you know.).
I finished my business and went in and woke up B.  Poor guy had been at a work event pretty late the night before and wasn't exactly in the best condition.  Such a great story to tell sweet baby H - your daddy was hungover the morning we found out about you!  I think we may have to fib a bit...  So, I woke up the sleeping husband and shoved the pee stick in his face.  To his blurry eyes, he didn't see that beautiful second line.  Hand and voice shaking I made him look harder.  Sure enough, there it was to him too.  I hadn't imagined it.  I burst into tears.  It was really really happening.  Holy shit.  Bless his heart, he wasn't quite as emotional as me.  Perhaps it was the early morning wake up?  Since it was a Friday morning, I had to get ready for work.  Luckily I had woken up early b/c I had to head to the RE's office to get a blood test!!  Woo Hoo!!  After I had gotten somewhat ready, I called my mom.  It was 5:30 her time.  Clearly I could have cared less about other people's sleep that day.  She saw it was me and she said she just knew I was calling her to tell her it was a negative test.  Nope!  Fooled you lady!  She and I both were in tears.  We had waited so long for this moment.  While I was on the phone with my parents (my step-dad had woken up at this point), B delivered his news to his parents in the worst possible way ever.  He texted them a picture of the positive test.  Talk about anti-climatic!  His mom immediately called him of course.
So, after the phone convos with the parents, off I went to the doctor's office to have my blood test.  Somewhere along the line I had lost my fear of needles.  Especially this one.  This needle was finally going to deliver good news.  I was told to expect my results by noon.  Noon came and went and I had heard nothing.  I was starting to really freak the eff out.  This couldn't be good.  No news was bad news.  Then, I got an email from my nurse, Kim.  God love Kim.  She was so amazing through this whole process I can't even begin to say.  She said their phones were down but she knew I wanted the results so she emailed them to me.  My HCG (the pregnancy hormone) was at 21.8 which was, as she put, not "knock me down fantastic."  I of course burst into tears.  Then, she emailed me back saying that she went back and looked at my chart because she wanted this to work out for us so badly and I had tested too early.  That made me feel loads better.  I went back in on Monday, and my number had gone up accordingly and continued to do so!  That was one scary and exciting and nerve wracking weekend though.  We got to see our little nugget at 6 weeks and 7 weeks.  Then, we were released to my OB.  Like a normal pregnant lady.

Since you guys have stuck through all these posts with no pictures, I'll indulge in one!  You're welcome for including a picture that is involved with my pee!

5 For Friday

Well, for something that was supposed to be a weekly thing, I sure have dropped the ball, huh?  So, here we go - 5 things I'm happy about/grateful for/excited about:

1.  Medicine!!  I saw my OB yesterday and she finally gave me some medicine to fix this darn bronchitis that won't quit.  I wanted to kiss her on the mouth!

2. Finally decorating my house for Christmas.  Something or another has kept me from getting it done so far, but I am tackling it this weekend!

Our tree and mantle all decorated last year

3. Spending Sunday doing some Christmas shopping with my sweet husband

4. Sleeping in this weekend!  I have slept like crap since I've been sick and can't wait to catch up on some zzzzzzzzzz's

5.  Can I say medicine again without looking like a drug addict? Cause seriously, I'm so glad to not be coughing up a lung every 30 second!