Picture catch up

Not a whole bunch has been going on in our neck of the woods (although my mom was here last weekend and it was awesome.  I'm ready for her to come back now...). So, rather than a mundane post about all the non fun things that have been happening, I just thought it would be fun to post some adorable pics of the nugget and let the captions do the talking...







He looks like such a little boy here.  I love it and hate it!
Plus, he was decidedly not a happy camper when I put this shirt on.  I was being ironic.



Oh, nanny you're so funny!!

 

His nanny bought him a jumper.  Clearly he loves it!

 

I work out...

 

This is how he fell asleep on our way home from dinner last night..


 



And this is what happened when we woke him up to take him inside.  Helllooooo Ladies!

 

So, we have been venturing into the world of regular foods for the dude.  So far, so good.  we have yet to find one that he doesn't like.  Hooray!  Plus, between that and the extra 1/2 ounce in his bottle, Operation Fatten Up The Baby is quite the success!  



 



Ok, this took him a while to like.  But, now, he's a fan.  Especially when we add bananas


 



He loved the squash, despite the skeptical look on his face

Again, another one he liked despite the initial skepticism

 

 

Bananas?........Bananas!!!

This is where I'd put a picture of Sweet Potatoes, but all we have is video.  He loved sweet potatoes!





This kid loves pears.  However, they seem to make him a biiiiit excited after...See the Hello Ladies pic above...

So, that's a small glimpse of what we've been up to lately.  Tomorrow we're going to have so pro pics taken of him.  Can't wait to see how those turn out.  I'm going to have to figure out a way to tame that hair before we go...

 

Things nobody tells you about pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum...

As I was getting ready this morning and realized that there was possibly more hair in my sink that on my head, I thought I'd share a few things that no one tells you about having a baby.  The good, the bad, and the ugly...

Pregnancy
1.  You will feel like you've been repeatedly kicked in the vag.  This is normal.  Apparently it's just your pelvic floor stretching.  How lovely.
2.  You basically leak constantly.  You think that when you get pregnant any liquid coming out of you stops.  Nope.  You basically have a constant flow of discharge.
3.  The five second window you have to go from not hungry to ravenous.  That 5 seconds is no joke.  I would go from perfectly fine to all weak and shaky I was so hungry.  Purse and car snacks are a must.
4.  First trimester tiredness is more like first trimester mind numbing exhaustion.  I have never been so tired in all my life, and I've had a newborn.  I was just worn the eff out all the time.  There were times I'd get home from work and not really remember how I got home.

Labor & Delivery
1.  When your water breaks, it doesn't stop flowing.  This one surprised me.  Hours after it was broken, I sat up to get my epidural and there was another huge gush...almost all over B's shoe.  That was kind of funny.
2.  The epidural, while glorious, does have some adverse side effects.  A friend of mine threw up like crazy when she had hers.  Mine made me shake like crazy.  So much so that it kind of freaked me out a little.  The tips of two of my fingers were also numb for a while, something I think may have to do with the epidural.
3.  How to push.  No one talks about this.  You see people dramatically pushing on TV and in the movies, but there is no where telling you how to actually do this.  The best advice I got was from a friend who said to push like you're pooping.  This served me well as I was told that I was a chapmion pusher.
4.  Sometimes cliches are true. I lived for the ice chips and cold compress on my head...until I didn't.
5.  Getting an epidural isn't super fast and easy.  I don't know why I thought this was effortless.  You get a little shot of lidocane and bing bam boom you get the epi and drift off into relaxation.  Mine took forever and the poor guy doing it had to stick me several times, eventually laying me on my side to get it in.
5a.  Having scoliosis can effect your epi.  I had to go meet with an anesthesiologist at my      hospital early on to ensure that I could have one due to my scoliosis.  They said I could.  However, the guy actually giving it to me claimed that that's why it was difficult.

Postpartum
1.  Breastfeeding is hard, yo.  Everyone talks about what a natural and beautiful thing it is.  No one tells you that is so hard.  You're already overwhelmed and exhausted and sore and in total awe of your little person and now you have this added stress of making sure they're getting enough food.  My milk didn't come in until about Wednesday.  H was born on Saturday.  It was so hard and exhausting.  And, even once it came in, he wouldn't latch, then he wasn't getting enough.  It was the 3 hardest weeks of my life, trying to breastfeed. 
2.  As mentioned above, you will lose your hair.  Copious amounts of it.  I'm talking like enough to stuff a couch and have a hair couch if you wanted to.  You hoard all your hair when you're pregnant, resulting in glorious pregnancy hair.  Well, don't get used to it ladies cause it won't last long!
3.  Your first post delivery poop will scare you to death.  You may think that you just pushed a human out of you, a poop is nothing.  Uh, no.  Its terrifying BECAUSE you just pushed a human out of you.  Thankfully, they give you stool softeners in the hospital to make it a little easier.
4.  This was from my mom.  It hurts for a while after.  She said that's what surprised her most when she had her first, my brother.  With the advent of Pinterest and all their postpartum recovery pins, I feel like this one is being talked about more and more.  I didn't hurt as bad as I was afraid I would.  But, I was suprised at what triggered pain.  I sneezed a few days pp and was shocked that it hurt down stairs.  Who knew!

So, there you have it.  Some little gems of wisdom from me to you.  And, if you've had a baby, feel free to chime in on the comments if I missed any!

On Childcare...

This may be sort of stream of consciousness, just me rambling on and on. So, please bear with me.  Perhaps I'll post a cute baby pic at the end to make it all worth your while!

Being a mom is hard, guys.  The hardest and most amazing thing I've ever done.  There's a saying that having a child is like having your heart outside your body.  That is completely accurate.  So, when you have to leave your heart in the hands of someone else for 9 or so hours a day, it's excruciating (I had to google search that to make sure I spelled it right.  For the record, I did!).  Leaving my little nugget every morning is so hard.  Leaving him to be cared for and snuggled and loved by someone else just plain sucks.

But, you know what makes all that either easier or harder?  Your childcare provider.  Now,  I have been back to work for a little over 2 months and we're on our third babysitter.  The first one didn't work out b/c she claimed H cried too much.  The second one we LOVED and she loved our little guy.  But, she moved 2 hours away, so clearly that wasn't going to work.  Initially, we really liked our new lady.  She immediately reminded B of his beloved babysitter from when he was little.  But, slowly over the past month that we've been with her, we're liking her less and less.  Also, she is regularly in her robe or a nightgown when I pick him up at 5:15 PM.

Last week, H was going through a growth spurt.  So, for the most part he was less than fun to be around.  Everyday when I picked him up she regailed me with stories about what a handful he was that day.  No mom wants to hear that about her kid.  So, on Friday I asked if he had always been fine and was just having an off week.  Nope, apparently he's always fussy for her and is progressively getting worse.  She claims that she can only leave him in one spot for a max of 20 minutes before he cries.  Um, excuse me lady, but he's 4.5 months old.  He can not self soothe yet nor can he entertain himself.  I pay you to take care of and entertain my kid!  Meanwhile, when her daugher helps watch him, she always says he's great for her.  She actually gets on the floor and plays with him.  (Side bar: a friend of mine actually interviewed my sitter and she point blank told her that the daughter is who plays with the kids b/c she's younger and doesn't mind getting on the floor with him) When we were initially emailing about childcare, she said they love to interact and love on the babies and they don't believe that a baby can be held too much.  She has also complained that he needs to be held too often.  Yesterday she told B that in all her years of watching kids, she has never seen a baby as fussy as H.

This is where this mama bear gets pissed.  We kept a completely open mind and observed H last weekend.  We took him for walks and played with him and even laid him down on his play mat. He was fine.  All weekend.  When he was bored, he'd fuss and we'd move on to the next activity.  I even contacted our previous nanny to see if he was fussy for her or if I just can see no wrong in my kid.  She said he'd have his off days, as all babies do, but once you figured out what he liked, he was perfectly happy.  So, is it her or is it H? 

So, now we're on the hunt yet again for a new sitter for our little guy.  It is so heartbreaking to have to leave him every day with someone that we're not 100% on board with.  I'm nearly in tears writing this, thinking of him being with someone who doens't think he's the best baby that ever was.  Unfortunately me not working isn't an option.  And actual daycare centers in our area are outrageously priced.

Wish us luck as we try to find someone who will love our little guy like their own and that we feel ok with leaving him while we work.

And, as promised, here is an adorable nugget pic!

Hippo just loves her baby brother!

Sleep revisited

Guys, we have gotten an uninterrupted full night's sleep every night since Thursday.  This is huge.  Granted, when I wrote my original sleep post, I was all impressed with myself for figuring out sleep so early on.  Well, as they do, my kiddo made a fool of me.  Ok, not that bad.  I have a flair for the dramatic.  But, he did continue his not so fun paci game for quite some time.

So, after a few nights of him not being remotely tired when I put him down, I thought maybe he wasn't sleeping soundly because he was going to bed too early.  Thursday night I put him down at 8.  A little fussing then bam! sleep through the night.  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we had things going on each evening and he went to bed closer to 8:30.  Bam!  sleep through the night!  Last night he was a bit fussy so I put him to bed around 7:45 - bam! sleep through the night.

It may or may not need to be noted that he's also gone from 3 naps to about 2 now.  That could have something to do with it.  I have no idea.

I guess the whole point of this follow up post is to just listen to your little nugget.  Pay attention to his/her cues.  They usually will let you know what's best for them.

Advice for the Infertile...

When we were in the throes of going through all our infertility mess, I mostly kept it to ourselves.  I mean, I had some friends that I would talk to about it, and definitely my mom.  But, I didn't talk about it on social media or anything.  Once we got pregnant, I became more vocal about it.  Infertility is something that no one talks about and it's very very isolating.  Once I felt ok talking about it, I want to help anyone and everyone who is going through it so that they don't feel the confusion, frustration, and isolation that we did.  If I can even help one person going through it, then it was worth it.  (well, that and my precious boy.  He made it worth it too!)  Since coming out with it, I've had several people reach out and ask questions about what we went through.  I'm so glad they feel like they can and I hope I've helped them.  So, here are some nuggets of advice I'd give anyone going through the infertility struggle.  It helped me and will hopefully help them.

1. Be your own advocate.  I can not stress this enough.  I have seen and heard that RE's go to treatment is IVF.  It has the highest success rate and costs much more.  Why wouldn't they want that?  However, for some people (us included), it's more of a last ditch effort.  I wanted to exhaust any and all options before trying IVF.  Both my RE and another doctor in the practice told me I'd be very successful due to my egg hoarding tendencies.  But, for me, I wasn't ready to make that leap just yet.  And, thankfully I didn't need to.  I also advocated for myself to go on a higher dose of meds my last round, and that also paid off.  You know your own body better than anyone else and you know what's best for you.

2. Trust that it will happen.  I know the most annoying piece of advice to infertiles is "relax it'll happen".  But, for me, when I finally accepted that I WOULD get my baby -even if it's not when or how or why I wanted - I would get him.  That gave me the peace that I needed to move through the process.

3.  Allow yourself to feel your emotions.  So often we feel the need to be strong and to put on a brave face all the time.  But, going through infertilty is hands down the hardest thing I've ever been through.  And, sometimes it was impossible to put on a brave face.  So, I allowed myself a day to be totally mad or sad or discouraged or whatever.  Allowing myself that one day to feel what I needed to feel really helped.  After that day was over, I was able to pull myself out of whatever funk I was in and get going again.

4. Have a good support system.  This doesn't have to even be people you know in real life.  I had an amazing group of women online that I confided in.  We were all going through it together, which helped more than I can say.  There's something about having a sounding board of people who know exactly what you're going through.  My IRL friends were great too.  They were supportive and kind.  And, of course my mom.  She helped more than she could ever know.  But having those people to listen, or to let you cry or bitch, and to just give you a big hug, makes it bearable.

5. Trust and like your doctor and the whole office staff.  Those people will be more intimate with you than your husband at time.  You darn well better like them and feel comfortable with them!

So, here are some things that helped me.  I hope it will help someone else out there!  And, if you ever need someone to be in your support system, I'm here.

We are family

This past week my brother and his sweet little family came to visit us.  They have 2 boys.  M who is 2 and C who is 10 months.  Those boys are all boy.  Total balls of energy and just so dang cute I could squish them all the time!!  I had to work through most of their visit, but we still had a great time.

Every time all 3 boys are together, my poor mom tries to get them all in little matching outfits and take their picture.  It has yet to work out.  Well, my SIL and I had the boys all together (while the men golfed) and I decided to make it happen.  It was 15 minutes of pure chaos.  A 2 year old who skipped his nap, a 10 month old who is constantly on the go, and a 4 month old who can't sit up on his own. It was the best kid of ridiculous! Luckily we were still able to get some really good shots.

 

 

We took all 3 boys to the pool and had a great time.  M kept telling everyone "I in the poo!" or coming up to whoever wasn't in the poo with him and taking them by the finger and guiding them to go in with him.  So stinking cute!!!

 

 

 

It was such a great visit and I was so sad to see them leave.

 

 

 

Holding my breath

As I mentioned in Holt's 4 month update, we had a scare when his head measured much bigger than it had at his 2 month check up.  We went yesterday for his ultrasound and everything checked out perfectly normal.  There is some extra fluid in there, but nothing to be concerned with.  Apparently this is just one of those things that happen.  But, it was terrifying to hear that something could be wrong with my little guy.

Holding his own bottle, such a big boy.  Nothing is wrong with his head!

 

The day we found out that something could potentially be wrong, I was devestated.  The mere thought that there was potential for something to be wrong with my miracle baby shook me to my core.  I was talking to my mom about it and she said something that really struck a cord with me and perfectly described how I felt in that moment.  She said "I feel like I've been holding my breath for you for the past 3 years".  It was so true.  Between all the infertility stuff we fought through.  Then, getting pregnant and having a few scares during my pregnancy (a cyst on his brain, potential gestational diabetes, the preeclampsia).  Once my boy was born, there was a murmer scare that resolved itself.  Once we brought him home there was the weight loss and the jaundice.  It the moment it really felt like that was it.  I'm holding my breath constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But, I realize that maybe, it's not waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Maybe it's a lesson in strength.  My mom always says that I come from "Pioneer Stock" and that I'm strong.  I used to not believe it.  But, if the past 3 years have taught me anything thing, it's that I do have that pioneer spirit.  That I can go through hell and come out the other side stronger.  It's sort of empowering to know that I have this inner strength that I never really knew I had.

A reminder from my mom on the board in my labor & delivery room

I will say that I may have lost a little of my ability to look on the bright side.  After so many disappointments, its easier for me to go into a potentially scary situation (my 4 month old's brain ultrasound for instance) in sort of neutral mode.  If I don't get my hopes up, then it's not as far to fall if something is actually wrong.  I guess that's the definition of "expect the worst but hope for the best".

I suppose this is what parenting is all about.  Holding your breath and expecting the worst but preparing for the best.



4 months!

My sweet little nugget is already 4 months old!  How on earth has this happened?  It's a strange feeling.  I feel like I was just beind admitted to the hospital to have him.  But, at the same time, I feel like he's been with us forever.  Like I can hardly picture a time when he wasn't in my life.

We had his 4 month check up yesterday.  He has gained a few pounds and is at 13 lbs 15.5 oz.  He's in the 30% for weight.  I asked if I should be concerned.  She said no because he is gaining at a rate they want to see.  He's now 25 3/4 inches, in the 79%.  Long and lean.  He screamed and screamed during his shots.  It broke this momma's heart. But, after he was a-ok.  We went home and snuggled on the couch for the rest of the day.

Loves:
Bath time, just being in the water in general, FINALLY Sophie the Giraffe, the turtle that hangs on his car seat handle that plays music, his hands, and as much as I hate to say it - the TV.  He's mesmerized by it.

Hates:
Getting his diaper changed, getting all lotioned up after the bath.

Milestones:
Rolling belly to back AND back to belly.  He's sleeping all night without the paci game more and more frequently.  He wants to sit up so badly, so we have him in his bebe pod a lot.  He's so on the verge of laughing.  He smiles soooo big that we swear a laugh is going to come out, but no dice yet.  It's coming any day now. I can feel it.

He is so happy.  He wakes up grinning at me which totally melts my heart.  He talks all the time.  He comes from 2 very chatty parents, so he comes by it honest.  Now that he's figured out rolling back to belly he doesn't stay on his back long.  Gone are the days where I can leave him on the couch for a quick second while I grab something.

And, now, for some not so happy stuff.  I wasn't sure if I was even going to mention this on the blog.  But, I find writing cathartic, so I'm going to go for it.  At the appointment yesterday they noticed that his head has grown quite a bit.  At his 2 month appointment he was in the 56% and now he's at the 97%. That's a huge jump in only 2 months.  The nurse measured it twice and then our NP measured it again.  She also said that his fontanel is large.  So, to be safe they've referred us to get an ultrasound of his head.  It could be nothing more than a huge growth spurt.  But, it could also be something.  And, if it is, that could mean surgery on my 4 month's old head.  That compeltely freaks me out and devestates me.  I can't even fathom that.  I'm trying to take it little by little.  Just focus on getting through the ultrasound, which is next week.  But, I can't keep from being terrified that it's going to be a worst case scenario.  He is my whole heart and my whole soul.  He has to be ok.

A year ago today...

As I was getting ready for work this morning, my sweet boy was laying on our bed babbling and talking away.  It was the sweetest sound in the world.  A year ago today, my morning was much different.  It was a Monday and it was a big day.  It was the day of our IUI.  Our last effort in conceiving.
The actual procedure was scheduled for 9 am.  But, we had to take B's contribution at 8 so they could wash them up real good and get them ready for their big date with my eggs.  Yes, eggs.  I had 4 that were big enough to release when I did my trigger shot.  We knew we were playing a risky little game, but this was our last shot and it was go big or go home.  After we dropped it off, we went down the street to get some coffee.  Well, coffee for him and water for me.  I was already nervous enough.  I didn't need to be all hopped up on caffeine.  It was kind of a quiet little coffee date.  I think we were both in our own heads about what was about to go down.
We arrived back at the office and were ushered to a room.  I was only used to the ultrasound rooms, so this was a new place for me. It was brighter and had a window.  For some reason, I found comfort in this.  I was told to take off everything from the waist down and lay on the table under the paper that would cover my lady bits.  For some reason I always hid my undies in my purse during these visits.  Clearly B had seen my undies and the person doing the procedure would see far more personal things than my undies, but still.  Small personal privacy victories people.  We had to wait a bit before the nurse came back.  B, always the one to not be serious in a serious situation, asked if he could hop on the table and put his feet up in the stirrups.  Laughing and being goofy with him is just what I needed in that moment.
The whole IUI procedure took less than 15 minutes.  It would have taken less had she not had to switch speculums cause the first one hurt like a mo fo.  That was it.  15 minutes that would change our lives forever.  I laid on the table for about 10 minutes after to let gravity do its thing.  I took the day off work, so when I got home I changed into comfy pants, put a pillow under my hips, and laid on the couch all day long.  A friend told me to visualize the sperm swimming to my eggs.  Me, being ridiculous, ended up singing "Just keep swimming" from Finding Nemo in my head all day.  I guess it's basically the same thing.  One would even say it was the first song I ever sang to my baby.  (That was meant as a joke and now I'm all teary eyed thinking about it.  Good Lord.)
Next I waited for 2 long weeks.  The 2 longest weeks of my life.  But, since you all have met my sweet boy, you know how that turned out!
And, since I haven't posted a pic of my little dude in a while, here's a picture.  My whole heart captured in one picture.

Pet Peeves

So, in a continuation from my fun pin of things I want my kids to know about me turn blog post ideas, today we have a list of 10 pet peeves.  It's been said that I have a short fuse and get annoyed pretty quickly, so I'm pretty sure this list could be longer than just 10 items.  But, in the interest of not making myself look ridiculous, I'll keep it at just 10.  You're welcome.

And, here we go!

1.  Being hot.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who hates this.  This comes on the heels of it being about a million degrees, in the South, and my AC being on the fritz.  So, I've been constantly annoyed for theb better part of two days now...

2. People driving slow in the fast lane.  Listen up people, it's called the fast lane for a reason.  If you were meant to drive 5-10 miles BELOW the speed limit, it would be called the "drive below the speed limit lane".  But, it's not, so quit it.

3. Hearing 2 noises at once.  What I mean by that is when you have both the radio and the TV on or something like that.  It annoys me to no end.

4. People who talk on speaker phone when in a group setting.  This is so inconsiderate!!!  Not everyone wants to be a part of this obviously super important conversation about what you're planning on having for dinner tonight.

5. Lateness.  Listen, it is not hard to be on time for things.  All you have to do is manage your time accordingly!  I have a child and till manage to be on time for almost everything.  Lateness, to me, says that your time is more important than mine.

6. Clutter.  I hate clutter.  Everything has a spot and it everything should be in it's spot.  This affects me daily as my sweet husband is the king of just leaving crap lying around.  Now, I'm insanely stubborn so it's like an old west stand off in my head of who will clean it up first.  In reality, it only bothers me.  He just sees right past it.

7. People who push their ideas and opinions down your throat without bothering to hear your side.  This especially applies to the topics of politics and religion.  Can't we all just live and let live?!

8. People who judge other people's parenting.  No, I don't breastfeed.  Yes, I give my kid a paci. Yes, I vaccinate my kid.  Yes, my kid knows what the TV is.   But, guess what!  He's still alive almost 4 months later, so I'm clearly doing something right.  You parent your way and I'll parent mine.  (ok, I can be a bit guilty of this from time to time.  So I annoy myself.)

9. Repetitive noises.  Like snoring or tapping.  I can only handle a little bit before I lose my shit.  Like I said - short fuse.

10. Douche baggy type people.  I'm sure this one is unversal, so I won't go into why they bug me.  It should be self explanitory.

Wow, this was actually harder than I though.  Clearly it's mainly people that annoy me.  Also, I think I'm now in a very dark mood after going on and on about my pet peeves.  I need a drink.

Oh Baby......weight

I am admittedly one of those people who are either always on a diet or always on the cusp of starting a diet.  I have done weight watchers like 3 times only to never reach my goal weight and always to gain my weight right back and usually more than I started with.  It's annoying and gross.

I was actually doing WW last summer before I got pregnant.  But, I was all hopped up on artificial hormones and they were making me gain weight and WW couldn't even keep up, so I quit.  Then, I got knocked up and started eating like it was no big deal.  I only gained like 35-40 lbs while I was pregnant, so I figured it wouldn't be super hard to lose.  Well, come to find out, if you want to lose the baby weight, you have to stop eating and acting like your pregnant.  Who knew!!!

So, after 3 and a half months of being grossed out by looking at myself in the mirror and not letting my husband see my naked, I decided enough was enough.  The weight isn't going to melt off (damn breastfeeding for not working!) and I'm going to have to get off my lazy (sleep deprived) ass and do something about it.

What did I do?  I joined WW for the fourth time.  I am ususally pretty successful when I'm on it.  It holds me accountable and forces me to eat better.  I tend to be an instant gratification type of person, so it annoys me that you have to lose slowly and the healthy way (blah blah blah...just kidding).  But, it took me 9 months to put this weight off, and it could take 9 months to lose it.

For the record, I have lost about 15 or 20 of the pounds I gained.  So, it's not like I'm starting from scratch.

And, for even more accountability, I'm going to post my goals on this here blog. 

* Get back to pre-baby weight
* Lose about 35 lbs more after that is reached
* Get off my butt and earn some activity points in addition to just eating better
* Not get grossed out by the sight of myself in the mirror (this is mental just as much as the physical act of losing the weight)

All that being said, my little guy was worth each and every pound I gained.  And if I had to stay this same size just to keep him, I would.  He is so so so worth every extra lb and every stretch mark.  But, that doesn't mean that I have to stay this size just to be his momma and I don't plan to.  I hope to take that dedication I had when I was working to get pregnant and apply it to losing this dang weight!

5 for Friday

Happy Friday friends!  While most of the country is off still celebrating our independence, I'm at work.  Stupid banking.  Yes we do get rando holidays off (thanks Colombus!) but have to work the day after all of them.

Aaaaanyway, here's what's been up the past week...



1. Yesterday was (obviously) the 4th of July.  We spent it cleaning our house (me) and doing yardwork (B).  We had some friends over who have a little nugget that's 2 weeks older than H.  So, we had a teeny baby play date.  All was well until there was a moment where all hell broke lose.  The other nugget spit up all over the place, and in the hilarity of that I noticed H had pooped out of his diaper all over the place as well and I stuck my hand in it.  None of us could do anything about either because we were all laughing too darn hard.  Good stuff.

2.  B was back for the whole week!!  Woo hoo!  Monday he decided to stay home with the nugget since he had missed him so bad.  So cute!

3.  The nanny hunt continues.  One was in a suuuuuuuper sketchy neighborhood, on was much too far away.  We have another meeting today.  Fingers crossed she works out.

4.  The sun has finally come out.  I swear, here in NC it's been raining for what seems like forever!  I am sooooooo over the rain!

5.  We're headed off this weekend to spend it with some friends. 

Have a great weekend!

Favorite TV Shows

So, I kind of love TV.  Is that bad to say?  Oh, well, I do. Brandon and I have several shows that we watch together and get totally sucked into. And then there are some that I just watch on my own because they're pretty bad or meant for teenagers and he just won't participate in my ridiculousness.

Mad Men - we were late to the game on this one, but woah.  We love it.  The stories, the costumes, the historical accurateness.  It's amazing.  Although, after this season, I kind of want to punch Don Draper in the throat...

Breaking Bad - this show is intense.  But in the best way possible.  We got into it via Netflix and would stay up till all hours of the night watching because we just could. not. stop.  Also, I kind of have a crush on Jesse Pinkman.  Fun fact, after watching endless hours of this show on end, I have a tendancy to refer to every one as Bitch in a very aggressive tone a la Jesse.  Good stuff.

Parenthood - this show is amazing.  The people are so real on this show.  The past 2 seasons have had us (yes, both of us) in tears more often than not.  If you haven't checked it out yet, it's a must see!

Grey's Anatomy - this one I just can't quit.  I've stuck through all the crap (Izzie having sex with a ghost.  The musical episode) hoping that it returns to it's original glory.  That's yet to happen, but I'm no quitter...

Glee - like I said, ridiculousness.  This show has always been pure fluff, but last season it was just crap.  But, as with Grey's, I just can't quit.

Weeds - I know this one is off the air now, but I just finished it.  So, to me it's still relevant.  This one started off amazing.  You wanted to see what crazy caper Nancy got into.  Then, like most of the shows I watch, it got a bit ridiculous.  But, still so so good.

The Mindy Project - I have a girl crush on Mindy Kaling (go out and buy her book NOW) so when I saw she was getting her own show, I was super excited.  It did not disappoint.  She is very relateable and this show is just too funny.

The New Girl - Have you all seen this show?  It's awesome.  It keeps getting better and better.  Jess and Nick's relationship is so cute to watch.  And who doesn't love Schmidt?  Also, I want a douche bag jar for real life.

The Bachelor/The Bachelorette - I have a group of girls that get together to watch this every season.  It has slowly gotten worse and worse, and yet we still gather to watch.  We always say each season is our last, and yet here we are watching Des's "journey" to "love"...

I told you I watch a lot of TV....  But, I'm definitely open to any suggestions!  What shows am I missing?!

Facts

I was perusing Pinterest the other day and came across a pin of "30 things my kids need to know about me".  Well, my kid is 3 months old so the only thing he needs to know about me is if I'm going to feed him on time.  And maybe if I'm going to change his diaper.  He's needs are small for now.  Howerver, around that same time I was also trying to come up with clever blog ideas to avoid this blog becoming a baby-centric blog.  So, this sounded perfect!  That's 30 whole prompts that I wouldn't have thought of otherwise.  Woo hoo!

So, today's prompt is 20 random facts about me.  Here we go...

1.  My favorite colors are pink and grey
2.  I constantly come up with these grand plans of things I want to do, and rarely follow through
3.  I actually follow through on important stuff
4.  I met my husband online when I was 24
5.  My shoe size used to be 8 or 8.5, but my feet got bigger while I was knocked up and am now closer to a size 9
6.  On the up side, my boobs also got bigger!
7.  I've lived in my house for almost 3 years which is the longest I've ever lived anywhere since I moved out of my parent's house
8.  I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up
9.  I'm not sure if I want to have more kids.  I just love my little nugget too much to share that love!
10.  My dog Finn is named after "McVet" Finn from Grey's Anatomy years ago
11.  My dog Hippo is named from the Christmas song "I Want a Hippopatamus for Christmas" (also, if you have never heard that song, look into it!)
12.  I have seen every episode of Sex and the City countless times and can almost quote all of every episode
13.  My favorite movie is Hope Floats
14.  I have awful taste in music
15.  I was a cheerleader in high school and have zero rythm
16.  I'm a horrible speller and I hate that Blogger doesn't underline stuff when it's misspelled like Word does
17.  I feel like I'm constantly going to start a diet next Monday
18.  I never start my diet the following Monday
19.  There is nothing better to me than a weekend that I don't ever have to get out of my yoga pants
20.  My yoga pants have never been to yoga

Whew, talk about random!  I was all over the place there!

Stay tuned for the next prompt of 3 legit fears I have....

On being "formerly infertile"

Hey hey, it turned out to be a two post day after all.

As you all know, the hubs and I suffered from infertility before we became pregnant.  Even though we're now parents to the cutest boy that has ever lived, I still compeltely consider myself to be infertile.  On two seperate occations this week I've seen discussions of going from infertile to fertile.    My internet pal Aly wrote a great post today about the same topic.  I also came across an article via resolve.org Twitter about becoming fertile after dealing with infertility.  But, for me, I don't know that I will ever be able to make that jump.

Infertility changed me to my core.  It was the hardest thing that I have ever been through and I really feel that it changed me as a person.  It made me realize that with patience and determination, I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I ever realized.  However, along with the positive, it also changed me in some negative ways too.  It will forever be hard for me to hear a pregnancy announcement.  I will forever feel a stab of jealousy when someone gets pregnant without a thought or an ounce of effort.  I will always be angry when someone takes this amazing gift for granted (myself included as I was not above bitching about the negative aspects of pregnancy).  I wish it were different, but, at least for now, it's not.  We tried so hard and so long and spent so much money, that I feel I will always have that initial reaction to an announcement.

A good friend of mine recently told me she was pregnant.  She had unprotected sex one time with her husband.  One time.  That was all it took. And while I'm very excited for her, it still took me a moment to get there.  I hate this hardened piece of myself.  But, for now, it's there.  It's not all consuming like it once was.  But, I fear it will always be there.

Please don't get me wrong.  I know how unbelieveably blessed we are to have our little guy. And I fully and completely believe that we went through everything we did because HE was meant to be ours and was meant to be ours in the exact way and time he became ours.  I would go throught it all a million more times to have my son.  I also believe that going through all that will make me a better mother.  Not that other mothers who got pregnant easily are bad, not at all.  All mothers are the best they can be. (Girl power and all that!)  But, I think that I am always a little more cognisant of how lucky I am to be a mother and I try not to take that fact for granted.

And, since you guys put up with two rather heavy wordy posts today, here's a picture of said cutest boy that ever lived!